Over the years, my faith has been tested. Well, more then tested. It's been twisted,torn and turned upside down. Up until recently I didn't know if there really was a God. I mean, I prayed, but only when things got bad and even then I wasn't really sure if God was listening.
Then I got pregnant with Noah. My baby. My 4th and final baby. I knew from the very begining that this pregnancy would be a difficult one. I had high blood pressure with my 3 previous pregnancies, 2 of my children were emergency c-sections.
As my pregnancy progressed, the complications that I had expected set in. Then things went from just kinda bad to to really bad.
Each week I had non-stress tests. Each week I had ultra-sounds. Each week I was told that I would be lucky to make it to 34 weeks.
At around 34 weeks I was admitted to the hospital. My blood pressure was through the roof, little Noah was not reactive during the tests. Of course, once I got to the hospital, he was more active. I breathed a sigh of relief. But then I got news that i wasn't expecting...
Noah had stopped growing. He was suffering from IUGR. I panicked. Noah couldn't be born now, he was too small. I was sent home that night on strict bed rest.
Again at 36 weeks, I found myself on another stay, this one overnight, at the hospital. My doctor called the night of my release and told me he preferred me to stay until 37 weeks. But would let me go home again on bed rest. Noah was going to be early.
At this point I realized that I needed God. There were complications with Noah that could have been devasting. I didn't know what was going to happen to me or my baby.
The following week, I recieved more bad news...I was developing Pre-ecclampsia. I was ordered to have a stress test that day. Noah wasn't moving. His heart rate was low.
Just 2 hours after that dreadful appointment, Noah was thrust into this world via emergency c-section. He weighed just 5pds 15 oz. He was 3 weeks early. Thankfully, no complications ensued and he is now at a healthy 7pds 13 oz 6 weeks later.
I realized that if Noah hadn't been delivered that day, he would not be here today. My pre-ecclapmsia wasn't as bad as I thought. The night before my hands had swollen up a little bit. If that hadn't happened, I wouldn't have called the doctor, who wouldnt have ordered the tests and Noah wouldnt be here right now...
God, even though through the years I doubted the exsistance of Him, watched over me and Noah that day. While in the OR I felt a calm that was absence during my other children's births. I had none of the other complications that plauged me after surgery in the past. I was able to enjoy my son within 30 minutes of leaving the OR.
That day was my God moment. The moment that I realized that even though life hadn't always been fair or "right", that there was a reason for the things that went on. I realized that God was there, watching out for me and my baby.
6 weeks later, my faith is a little stronger. I would love to say that I am a God-fearing christian, but that would be a lie. But I do believe that God is there now...
thanks to Mama Kat for this inspirational and thought provoking prompt this week
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