Monday, August 30, 2010

I got nothing

I've been staring at this blank screen for a while now. There is so much that I want to say, but I don't know just how to say it.

Life has been pretty chaotic (and that is putting it nicely) this last week. In fact, for most of last week I was wondering what I had done to piss off the karmic gods. I called my mom and asked her why God hated me.

She told me that He didn't hate me. He had chosen this path for me for a reason.

I am not sure what that reason is.

I also learned that I cannot control how other people treat me (and let me just say, I was feeling pretty dang lousy) but I can control how I react to them and how I let it affect me. After spending some time feeling completely hopeless, and alone last week, I was forced to take a look at my life.

I felt that, for the last five years, I had just had one bad thing after another happen, and that I had nothing to show for it. Nothing other than an empty bank account and a tired spirit.

Then my husband asked me "How do you define your success?" This came after I compared myself to someone in my life that I really didn't like, but viewed as more successful then me.

I thought about it. Hard.

And you know what, I am successful. Just 6 short months ago, my marriage was on the verge of falling apart. Divorce was a topic I brought up often. But, we survived. We are stronger than before and re-commited to our marriage.  I have a husband who is honest, loving, supporting , and hardworking. I have four wonderful children. A roof over our head and food on the table. My writing career, while slow taking off, is taking off.

So maybe I don't have everything I wanted to have at this stage in my life, but the things I do have are awsome, and i wouldn't trade any of them for the world.

Maybe my mom was right, God did set me on this path for a reason. He set me on this path to teach me to appreciate the life that I have been given. He set me on this path to teach me to believe in myself and to know that I am stronger than I give myself credit for.

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Wednesday, August 25, 2010

When one door closes

Today, I had one door close. Well more like slam shut. Truth be told, I had sensed that it was coming. Even before the event that set this whole thing in motion.

Sometimes, when backed into a corner, people do things that are less than characteristic of them. It happens. That is what makes us human. To be completely honest, all it was, was a text, sent at the wrong time. That was all. But again, it happens.

Once I realized the timing of my message, I instantly apologized to the other person. Repeatedly. In email and in text. Because, while I don't think what I did was neccessarily was kinda bad timing.

The other person told me that they forgave me. I was happy. I recognized my mistake and I accepted responsibility for my ill timing.

Well that was the snowflake that caused the avalanche. Apparently, I was not forgiven and have spent the last three days getting hatefilled emails, text messages, and phone calls. I have been called names. I have been sworn at.

So, a door has slammed shut. A chapter of my life has come to an end. I am sad.

But, I have learned that there are people that I can trust, count on, and truly call friends. I have learned that there are some people who would rather use you and throw you under the bus. I have learned that some people apparently think they are perfect and above making mistakes.

Opportunities that were offered to me have been ripped out from  under me. But, it is ok. I had to take a step back and rearrange things in my life. It is never easy. Especially when it means removing someone, someone you consider one of your best friends, from your life.

The saying goes.. "When one door closes...another one opens"

And if it doesn't, then I am looking for a window.

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Monday, August 23, 2010

Peek-A-Boo Apple Paper Plate Craft: Great for homeschooling or rainy day fun

With a 3 and 4 year old, it is really hard sometimes to find an activity that will keep them busy for any period of time. Usually they lose interest and then start coloring on the walls, tables, get the picture.

I also made the decision to start "homeschooling" them this year. I use the term loosely because I don't know if it can be considered homeschooling at a preschool level. But my goal is to get Aidan prepped and ready for kindergarten next year and have Morgan ready as well.

I came across a cute little craft that I think my kids would love. Especially because it involves paint! It is super easy to make, and will keep the little ones busy for a while.

Check it out here!

Did you make it? Share your thoughts or ideas for other crafts in the comment section and your idea could be featured in my next "Kid's Craft Corner" on

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Thursday, August 19, 2010

Total Randomness....

Yes, it is true, I have posted TWICE in one day. I have been meaning to post more, but I am a procrastinator....I am trying to change that.

Noah started walking, completely unassisted the other day, I was happy, but at the same time I was sad. Noah is for sure our last baby. Our house can hold no more. Our bank account can support no more. And my body, well it kinda gave out on me with Noah. I have four wonderful kids and my life is complete. But I miss having a little baby...well sometimes.

Now that I am out of "baby making" mode, I have time for me. Well not me time per se, but more time to focus on work, and doing things that I want to do. Who am I kidding, I never have time for me. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

I am working from home. It has always been my dream. Well, that and to win the lottery...but that ain't happening. In addition to working from home, I wanted to do something that I wanted to do. I tried the direct sales thing...I liked it, but after spending years out in the "working world" as a sales person, I just didn't have it in me to do it from home.

So, instead, I am following my dreams of being a writer. I am also an editor. And an author. I love being able to help others. Editing manuscripts is fun. Especially when I am talking to a new author, or a "wanna be" author. I can hear the optimisim in their voices or see it in their words, and know that they want this. Kind of how I was, and still am, this is what I want, and nothing is going to stop me.

That crisis our family was going through? Looks like it may be coming to an end. We shall see how the next week goes. But again, I am optimistic.

I am starting homeschooling for Aidan and Morgan. It should be an adventure. But I am hoping that it will add more structure to their lives.

I am also working on developing an healtier ME! You can follow my journey as The Fat Mom here. (Please? Pretty Please?)

All in all, life is going fairly well. I am happy...well atleast happier than I have been. My marriage is getting stronger, and my bond with my children stronger.

Life is good.

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So I am going to do it...

Aidan just turned four about a month ago, Morgan 3 on the 2nd. With Damien in school all day now (3rd grade, my how the time flies) and Noah still to little to "run and play" with them, they get bored. Really easy. (As evidenced from the *ahem* flood in the bathroom this week)

I work from home, running my own business and preschools are just downright expensive.

After much debate, and looking at my already full schedule, I decided that I would homeschool Aidan and Morgan this year.

Now, more than likely, in 2011, Aidan will go off to Kindergarten in a public school, and Morgan will the following year. But, that doesn't mean that I don't have to work with them now.

I am a former preschool teacher. I have the experience, (I once created a cirriculum for an Enriched Preschool Program) and I have the availiability.

I am spending the rest of this week and weekend getting things together. Getting things organized and ready. Monday will be our first day of " school"

I am pretty excitied. I am sure Aidan and Morgan will be too

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