Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
I told him that it didn't matter if everyone liked him because not everyone will. What is important is that he does have a few close friends that like him and that should be celebrated.
A few days later, I was dealing with some personal issues. I sent my step-mom an email telling her what was going on. What it boiled down to was, someone didn't like me.
As I was talking to her that night on the phone, wiping away tears that were falling over the events of that day, I thought back to that afternoon in the car. I thought back to the words that I said to Damien.
It didn't matter.
It took a few days for me to get over the inital sting. And the wound was ripped open again as rumors began circulating online about what I did (NOT) do. It hurt. I hated that people had this view about me that was so far from the truth. But, I let go.
It didn't matter what these people said. It didn't matter what the person that hurt me did. It. Didn't. Matter.
Was I happy? Did I have a few close people I could count on? Was I loved by those who mattered? Of course. So what did it matter if a few people on the internet didn't like me? Who cared if people though it was ok to drag me through the mud. I knew the truth. It didn't matter.
For the first time in about a week, I am feeling stronger and better then I have in a long time. The truth was, the ugliness associated with this person was bringing me down for a long time. Negativity breeds negativity and by removing this person from my life I have removed the negativity surrounding me because of them.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
As most of my readers know, I am trying to loose weight. Alot of it. After weighing more then I ever have, I am on a search to find food that is good for me...and tastes good too!
I came across this recipe in the cookbook "Secrets Of A Skinny Chef"
Whole grain bread--make sure the lable says whole grain
1 slice tomatoe
1 1oz slice turkey deli meet
1 tbs honey mustard
1 tbs margerine
sprinkling of swiss cheese
What To Do
Coat a frying pan with Pam
Spread the butter on side of the bread
Honey mustard on the other
Top with tomatoe, turkey and cheese
Spread honey mustard on the other slice of bread
Place in pan
Spread butter on top of sandwich
Cook for 4-5 minutes on each side.
this is YUMMY! I love it. And the best part...it has just over 400 calories!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Each day, I will come back here and post one thing that I feel blessed about. Feel free to join me. Just leave a link in the comments!
My hope is that by sharing in our blessings, we will all start to see things a little more positively!
My Blessings: Day 1
I am blessed to have 4 wonderful children who love me unconditionally
Ok, your turn. What are you blessed with?
Friday, March 19, 2010
Groceries are a huge expense for our family. We used to spend anywhere from $500 to $600 a month on groceries.
I am now spending around $400 a month. The best way to save money with your grocery bills, is to make a list and buy ingredients. You can typically get 2-3 meals more when you buy ingredients versus buying frozen foods.
I enjoy making things from scratch. Its fun. And its cost efficient.
Menu planning also helps to save money on your grocery bill. I try to plan out my menus 2 weeks in advance, and make a list. And buy whats only on the list. Impulse buys are usually what makes the grocery bills go up. Make a grocery budget...and stick to it.
What are some ways you save money when it comes to groceries?
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Growing up my parents fought...alot. In fact, I thought it was normal for parents to behave the way that mine did. I really didn't think much about it as a child. I was loved. We made family time on the weekends. On the outside we appeared to be a normal family living in suburbia. My mom stayed home, my dad worked.
My parents relationship--I soon learned---was anything but normal. It was a constant circle of arguments and door slams. Tears and yelling. My brother and I turned to each other, and until recently, had a very close relationship.
When I met my husband and we made the choice to get married, I was scared. I was afraid that history would repeat itself. The only people in my family who stayed married to the same people their entire lives where my grandparents, and my aunt and uncle. Thats it. Out of all the people in my family--immediate and extended--to ever get married only 2 sets actually stayed married. I didn't want my marriage to be another causualty. I didn't want to loose my family.
My marriage is different from my parents in many aspects. My husband and I have had our fair share of arguments and threats of seperation. We have gone without speaking to eachother for days. But, we have learned that we need eachother. Contrary to my parents, who exsisted in a constant cloud of anger, my husband and I have learned to let go of our anger at eachother. We have learned to talk.
My marriage is different from my parents in that my husband and I have learned how to respect one another. I think respect was missing in my parents marriage.
My mom left us when I was 15. I remember the pain that I felt for a long time after that. I had a hard time trusting anyone. I was always afraid of being alone. I vowed, when I met my husband and we had our family, that I would never put my family through the pain that I went through. I would never wanted my kids to grow up and remember mommy and daddy fighting 24-7. I wanted them to remember good times.
My marriage is strong. Something my parents never was.
*This was an assignment from Mama Kat. Click here to see who else took part*
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
But, my mom was right. (Thankfully she doesn't read this so she will never know she was right) Accountability is a hugely important part of our day to day lives. We need to be accountable for the things we do, the things we say, and how we act.
I need to have some accountability. For a long time now, I have been saying that I am going to loose weight. And I want to...I have to. There is no other way about it. I. Am. Fat. The physical toll of carrying around this weight is huge. My back, knees, ankles and legs hurt. My seven year old can beat me in a race. My butt is almost too big for the slides at the park.
So, in an effort to be more accountable for the things that I say...i am buying a swimsuit. But not just any swimsuit. I have picked out a "tankini"--2 sizes too small. And I am buying it. And I am going to wear it. I will not be buying a bigger swimming suit. So if I want to join my kids in the pool this summer..I am going to have to bust my butt.
But, I can do this.
I will be chronicling my weightloss journey here and also on my blog Diary Of A Fat Mom. Feel free to join me over there to see how I am doing!!
Monday, March 15, 2010
I need to learn to not care so much. I do what I do because, well, because that is who I am. It is what makes me, me. and it is why my husband loves me. Because I have a big heart.
I do the things that I do for others, not for gratitude, but because I want to. I don't expect anything in return...except for maybe a simple "Thanks". But isn't that the glue that holds the fabric of our society together. You don't have thank me...but it would be nice, It would make me feel..less used.
And that is how I am feeling tonight. I have spent several weeks--months even--helping someone out. Being what i though was a good friend, listening, and offering advice when appropiate or when solicited. I thought that I had made a friend in the deal...turns out--I was just being used. This person has thanked everyone under the sun--but me. Its like I don't even exist to them. And it hurts. I know that it shouldn't. But I feel used. And at first I thought I was being silly. But the writing is on the wall...I am being talked about behind my back, put down, and insulted. After everything...
And the kicker is..i still would be this persons friend tomorrow if they asked. Because that is how I am. I don't like to have to cut anyone out of my life. But it appears that it may be time to do just that.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
The last time I saw you, you were in quite a mess weren't you? I mean, you were a single mom and dating that looser who used you for your money. I worried about you. But, you already knew that. We were always close, you and I. And I am sorry I left before you could say good-bye. I know how much that hurts you to this day.
Anyways, I wanted to say that I am proud of you. And I approve. (Not that my approval means anything right...i am just a grumpy old man!) After I passed away, I wondered if you would ever get your life straight. You were in a bad place for a long time. Then, a year later you got pregnant with Aidan. I wondered what you were getting yourself into.
I am glad that you found Steve. You know that I tell it how it is..and you know that I would approve of Steve. He takes good care of you and those kids. And I can tell that you are happy. I am proud of you. You turned your life around when most people would have just let things stay they were.
You are a good mom. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I see those kids. They love you. And they should. I love you. You are a great person. You care..sometimes too much. I am sorry that I couldn't be around to see Damien grow up. He was a riot. I also am sorry I missed the chance to see Aidan, Morgan, and Noah grow up. You know how much I love my grandkids and great grandkids.
You are stronger then you realize. 7 years ago when I loaned you the money to help pay for a lawyer, I knew that even though you doubted yourself, you could do it, You could fight for Damien. And I knew that by helping you get the lawyer that would give you the strength. And you know what, you did it. You are strong. You fight for what you want and don't give up. (Stubborn like me)
I love you Melissa. I love who you have become. You overcame alot. And have done great with your life.
Now, don't go getting a big head. You still have a lot of "growing up to do!"
Love You Pappy!
My grandpa would always tell it to me straight...and be brutally honest. (If you asked him if you looked fat..he would say yes.)
I miss him everyday
Sunday, March 7, 2010
I feel so renewed this time of year. I love it. I love making trips to Lowes and looking at the flowers...except this year..I can actually plant them! Yep! For the first time in 2 years I am going to be able to plant my flowers and veggies and even the occasional fruit plants.
I am excited. I love Spring Time!!!
Friday, March 5, 2010
Now, this isn't some magical transformation. It is a work in progress. But I am celebrating the fact that I finally realized that I can't control what others say or think about me. But I can control how I react.
I have started making changes that needed to be changed...for me and no one else. I am taking the positive steps to be more productive in my professional life. I am doing things that make me happy. My concern is my family...and that is it. If someone doesn't like me, then oh well...
It is amazing how taking the first steps to taking control of my happiness has positvely changed my thought process already. I am happy today. I feel renewed. And I am looking forward to each day now, instead of dreading it.
I am celebrating the small stuff!