Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I don't know...

I have sat down many times over the course of the last two days and tried to write a blog post. But the blank screen just mocked me. And when I did manage to write a few words, they seemed forced, fake. And that is the last thing I wanted. I have always felt that a blog, well my blog anyways, should be full of words that were not forced, thoughts that flowed unrestricted...and lately, I just haven't been able to do that.

And it isn't just my blog either. It is in every aspect of my life. Everything has come to a standstill. And I hate it. I think that is what makes it even worse. Is I feel it, but am at a loss to actually fix it.

It is not that I am unmotivated. I just don't know what to do. I am struggling internally right now. Its a battle that I have to fight with myself I suppose.

I joined a local "moms" group. I am going to their first meeting next Tuesday. I am already trying to find ways to get out of it. It is not that I don't want to go, because I do. I am so incredibly isolated here. It is that I don't make friends easily. I have this inherent fear of being judged. I never feel like I am good enough.

I am working on making changes...they need to be made,especially for my children's sakes. I am trying to get more organized. Trying to become "unstuck".

I can do this.

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  1. Hi Melissa,

    I haven't visited in a while, because for whatever reason your feed wasn't updating for me. It said the last post you did was about a review you did for a Tassimo Beverage Maker. I'm not sure what's happening (?).

    Anyway, I have read your post and thought you might want to check out (I know it looks like spam but it really isn't):

    It is just a blog post someone did about how to clear your writers block. Hope it helps.

    Don't let it get you down. Blogging is supposed to be fun, not a chore. It is a good way to get out those things that are bothering you.

    I know exactly how you feel about the isolation and not being able to make friends easily. I felt that way too before I moved to Cairns. All the more reason to keep blogging. I get great satisfaction from the comments my readers make. Everyone is so supportive.

    Have a great weekend and hope you are feeling more chipper soon!

    Shelly at

  2. That's exactly how I feel right now. I want to write but there's so much, I just don't know where to start. Plus I'm pretty private and sharing these things will make me more vulnerable to the outside world. Plus it's really bad and I'm so ashamed and embarassed. I just don't know what to do anymore.

    But... I saw your other two posts and I'm glad that you're making some changes.

    I'm going to be writing my story soon.


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