Friday, February 12, 2010


Damien is fast approaching 8 year old. His father and I split up when he was 6 months old. Yes 6 months old. That means we have had nearly 8 years to get it right when it comes to coparenting Damien.

I am not perfect, by any means, but I do my best to raise all of my children the best I can. I have made it a point to never talk bad about Damien's father in his presence or even in some obscure way online, as he has done to me. I have done a very good job.

Recently, though, I have noticed that he is placing Damien in the middle of some game . He has become quite controlling and demanding, and I am starting to get worried. His emails have become increasingly nasty in tone.

Damien has a Pine Wood Derby race this weekend. This also happens to be his father's weekend. In the past, I would do anything to avoid having to spend time together with his father and his father's girlfriend. I don't like confrontation. But this is important to Damien, so I accepted the fact that in order for Damien to be there, so did his father.

Damien asked me if he could just leave his uniform stuff here and have be bring it tomorrow to the event. I agreed I would prefer it that way anyways, as there are things on that uniform that if lost or damaged are hard to replace. Not that I am insinuating in anyway shape or form that his father is negligent or that something would happen to the uniform. I am just playing it safe.

His father sent me no fewer then three emails demanding I send the shirt. I politely explained the reasoning behind leaving the shirt in one place. Damien is fine with putting it on at the event.

Today, I get another email. Telling me that either I send the shirt, or he doesn't wear it at all. And if I bring the shirt, and Damien chooses to wear it, he is making Damien leave...

He is willing to throw away all of Damien's hard work...over a shirt.

I am angry. I am sad. I am confused. Aren't we supposed to be co-parenting? Aren't we supposed to be making things comfortable for Damien? It has been eight years since we went our seperate ways. I put aside whatever feelings of ill I held towards him eight years wasn't worth didn't help Damien. But here we are, all these years later and his father is still bitter. Still holding bad feelings. Still trying to punish me for something..I don't know what. (the split was his idea. He filed court papers. He took Damien and tried to keep him from me...HIM...not me)

I know that Damien will have a good time at his pinewood derby race this weekend. Shirt or Not.

It is just unfortunate that things have gotten the way they have.

Do you co-parent? How do you deal with issues with the other parent?

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