There has been so much personal turmoil, that I have not had time to even consider focusing on anything work related. And that tears me up. I worked hard to build what I have, and now, because of personal issues, it is being torn down brick by brick.
When I got married to my husband nearly four years ago...I looked at it as the closing of one horrible chapter of my life and the beginning of something new. A chance to start fresh. To move forward from the pain that had encompassed my life for so many years prior to meeting my husband.
And for a brief time...it was. It was everything that I had hoped it would be. I finally had someone in my life that loved me...really, truly, honestly, loved me...for the first time in a long time I was happy. I felt wanted and needed.
But, that time was short lived. When I got married, I vowed that my marriage would not suffer the same fate as my parents. I made a promise to myself that I would make my marriage work...no matter what.
But what happens when the "no matter what" is just to big to deal with anymore? What happens when I continually sacrafice my happiness for someone who doesn't respect me? For someone who states "You do nothing to make me happy."?
My heart is broken this morning. I never wanted to give up on my marriage. But right now I feel like I have nothing left to give. The man that I love, doesn't love me.
I am broken. I don't know how to pick up the pieces. I don't know how to move on. I don't want to move on....I want my marriage. I want to be with my husband.
I know, though, that no matter what happens, I am going to be ok. I have to. I have four children who need their mom more then ever. I don't have time to sit and cry.
So maybe this is the end of the road...maybe it isn't...but right now i am focused on moving forward... with or without my husband.