Sunday, December 20, 2009

It's all up to me...

This year is coming to a close. And while I could sit here and say "Thank goodness it is over" I won't. Why? Because, every single thing that happend this year, from money issues to my marriage crumbling under the stress, to dealings with the ex, to the birth of my son...all of it happened for a reason. Reguardless of if I could see it at that time or not.

To be fair, I did spend alot of time playing the "poor me" card. And what did it get me? Nothing. The only purpose that it had was to make me even more depressed and more withdrawn. I sure as heck didn't feel better.

As this year ends and a new one begins, I am left to wonder what 2010 will hold for me? Will my marriage survive? (I am starting to think so) Will this nasty court battle with my ex finally be over? (I am starting to think not)? Will I find success in my chosen career path?

I want to know these things. I want to know that everything is going to be ok. That things will go the way they are supposed to.

But I know that I can't. I can't know these thing. I am not supposed to know these things. It is going through them that makes me stronger.

Will I succeed? I hope so. So much is at stake. But there is only one person that I can hold accountable for my success...or my failure...

And that is me.

It is all up to me to make 2010 the year that I want it to be.

So will 2010 be the best year yet?

I like to think so.

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