I'm Letting Go

2010 is in it's final hours. It is hard to believe that another year has come, left it's mark, and then left. Time flies.

I have my goals for 2011 written down. I am finishing up my editorial calendar for the year as well. I am getting my ducks in a row so I can take 2011 by storm.

And I am letting go

For the better part of 2010, I harbored a lot of anger, hurt, and sadness in my heart. It affected every aspect of my life. From personal relationships to professional endevours, the grief that I felt swallowed me whole. It consumed me. I let it define me.

So, for 2011, I am letting go. I cannot change what happened. If I could, I would. The only thing I can do is accept that it happened and move forward. I want to forgive those who hurt me and I want to forget the circumstances surrounding it. I want to move forward with my life and be the best that I can be for my children. For me.

I can't be angry anymore. I can't be hurt. I don't want to keep missing out on life because I am so angry at people that hurt me. I just can't live that way anymore.

So, as 2010 comes to a close, I take the lessons I learned and the memories I made. The rest? It's in the past. And starting now, that is where I will leave it.

And just because I am letting go, doesn't mean that I am giving up. It just means that I am accepting the things that happened. I can't change that. But, I am the only one who is in control of my future. And if I don't let go, I will never get to where I want to be.

Happy New Year~

Lookin Back at 2010

I am a firm believer that looking back is not normally something that you should do. Why would you want to look at what was when you could be looking at what is? But, 2010 has taught me some hard lessons and what better way to send out a year that treated my crappy then to look back at what I learned in 2010.

So, without further ado: Things 2010 Taught Me

*Things happen for me. Whether I like it or not, everything happened for a specific reason. Some of those reasons are still unknown.

*Sometimes, letting go is the only way to move forward

*I really miss the friendships I lost

*I am stronger than I give myself credit for.

*I am inspirational

*Life isn't about getting a good hand dealt to you. It is about making the most of the cards you have been given.

*I need to laugh more, cry less

*Truth and love will win everytime

*I am determined

*I am loved

*I am worthy

*I have the ability to make something of myself. I have the tools. It is now up to me if I am going to use them.

Goodbye 2010, while we haven't always seen eye to eye, you have proven to be tremendous teacher. And while I am not to sad to see you go, I take with me the memories, the lessons, the laughter,and the tears. I will make 2011 count.

2011 is going to be my year.

The Night Before Christmas (An ode to stressed moms everywhere)

T'was the night before Christmas
And all through the house
A stressed mother ran
Whilst washing a blouse.

The stockings still hung empty
The gifts all unwrapped
The only thing mom wanted
Was a long winter's nap

When out in the front room
There arose such a clatter
Mom ran from her room
To see what was the matter

And what to her tired eyes did appear
But one boy and one girl
And one peanut butter smear

What are you doing out of bed
The tired mom said
The little boy rubbed his eyes
Can't sleep he said

We are waiting for Santa
You said he was near
It is Christmas time yet
Is that sleighbells I hear.

Now, Aidan, Now Morgan
And sweet Noah too
Head back to bed,
There's lot left to do

Mom watched with tired eyes
As they walked out of the room
She winced as Aidan slammed
The door with a boom

She muttered to herself
As she walked out of sight
These darn gifts
Can wrap themselves tonight.

Merry Christmas!!

Chocolate Peppermint Bark

I love this time of year. Especially the baking part. I always make cookies, fudge, candies, just about anything. This year, I decided to make White Chocolate Peppermint Bark. It turned out so yummy. The kids ate it up.

Start with one bag of Wiltons White Chocolate Melts and melt according to package directions

Smash up four candy canes

Add the smashed candy canes to the chocolate

Mix

Spread in a small cookie pan and let harden about an hour or two. Once it's hard break it up and eat!
(Here's the best part: A small piece of bark only has about 30-40 calories in it Enjoy!)

New Years Resolutions. Do you make them?

via Google Images

I am not one to typically wish away the year. But, I think, in a way, I am ready for 2010 to leave.

Many memories where made in 2010. Some good. Some bad. And I don't want to wish away any of the experiences. Good or bad. I don't believe that things happen to me. I believe that they happen for me. Sometimes I wish I knew why they happened, but I have learned that it is not my place to question the why.

2010 saw my family moved. Twice. Two different houses in a 6 month time span. But, after living in this house for a few months, I am certain that I have found our permanent home.

2010 signaled the end of a friendship. That loss devastated me. In fact, it shook me to my core and threw me off balance. It has taken months for me to get to the point where I can honestly say I am okay with it now. She has gone on to do wonderful things and it makes me smile because I know that I had a part, no matter how small, in them.

2010 also shook up our family. But, for now, everyone seems to be content with the way things are. I am not. But, again, I am in a place where I can say that I am okay.

2010 also saw the arrival of my nephew. I adore that kid. I look forward to seeing him over Christmas.

2010 was a year for me to grow as a person. As a mother. As a friend. I learned that I am strong enough to handle whatever life throws at me. I have lost a significant amount of weight and there are many new opportunities on the horizion.

Which leads me to my question. Do you make New Years Resolutions? And if you do, do you keep them?

I have been so bad about making and keeping them in the past. But, this year will be different. I have an amazing network of friends, and a personal trainer who rocks, to keep me accountable on all levels.

So, what are your New Years Resolutions? And will you actually keep them?

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Here in the midwest, it is snowing. Again. And it is bitter cold and will only be getting colder. I have lived in Illinois all of my life, you would think that I would be used to the cold. But, I dislike it. A lot.

Of course, getting ready for the holidays is taking up a lot of my time. This weekend we will be either heading to Chicago with some friends to take in the sights of Michigan Avenue or, if the weather doesn't agree, we will be baking cookies all day. Just enjoying being together. All of us. Damien will be with us this weekend. Then the next time I pick him up, he will be here for 10 days. I am pretty excited to have him here again.

Of course with all the snow, Aidan and Morgan have been asking non-stop when Santa is coming. I have yet to convince them that there is still 2 weeks to go before the big day.

Speaking of Christmas, I have been so busy with work, writing, and other things, I  have yet to finish my shopping. I have a feeling this is going to be a Dec 23rd kinda year.

I miss my best friend

(This post is part of Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop.Link up here )

Every single one of Mama Kat's prompts called my name this week, but this one spoke the loudest: Have you ever had a fight with a long time best friend and never made up? Do you think about her from time to time and think about contacting her? What would you say? What if it didn’t work out? What if it did?"

When I first met E, I was instantly drawn to her. She is so vibrant, so full of life. She was always the first one to remind me that I had worth and was important. Frustrated with things on the career end of my life, I contacted her. As a fellow (and sucessful) writer, I had hoped she would have some words of guidence. What followed was a friendship that I thought was unbreakable.

We talked daily. For hours. We emailed. We texted. We worked together. We would laugh and cry together. When things went down with my ex regarding custody of my son, she cried right along with me. She also held me up when I didn't think I could take another step. We were there for eachother.

Our friendship dissolved amidst trying times for both of us. I was fighting to keep my son, she was fighting to keep her grandma alive. Our friendship ended because a text was sent at the wrong time.

I have thought, numerous times, about contacting her. There are so many things that I want to say to her. I want to tell her that I miss her. That she was such a huge part of my life and I wish what had happened between us, never happened. But, I don't think I could ever go back to the way things were with us. While I accepted the end of our friendship and apologized for my part in the end of it, she called me nasty and hurtful names. She ripped me apart. It is a wound that still stings today.

I miss E very much. She was such a strong and motivational person. She is who encouraged me to be what and who I am today...and for that I thank her.

As the saying goes "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." When I think of my time with E, I always smile....

As E always said "From rain comes flowers...everytime" I hope she is enjoying her flowers.