Mama Doesn't Need Sleep....

I have decided that instead of Waterboarding as a form of "torturing" the terrorists in Gitmo, the U.S Army should subject them to intense sleep deprivation. I mean, we as mothers, experience it in the most extreme way, and can attest that there is no other form of torture more effective at making someone break.

Noah was born 3 weeks ago, and with his arrival, my sleep habits went on, what I hope is not permanent, vacation. I never slept great to begin with, but atleast I slept for more then 10-15 minute increments and was able to function as a member of society. Not so anymore...

Noah is colicky. Noah will only fall asleep if I am holding him. If daddy holds him, he will cry, fuss and squrim until a bewildered and confused daddy hands him off to mommy, wondering what he is doing differently. Only I posses the ability to make him stop crying at the drop of a hat by simply talking to him.

Normally, I would gloat and revel in all my mommy glee. But not in this case. For 3 weeks, I have watched (while secretly plotting his murder ;) ) my husband sleep blissfully. One morning he got to sleep until...8am....a feat that I have not done in many a year. Now, he does get up with Noah (occasionally and usually after I stomp LOUDLY out of the bedroom to get a bottle) but his method is to say shhh, stick a pacifier in his mouth and go back to sleep. This will only satisfy Noah for seconds, just long enough for me to sink back into my pillows, close my eyes and....

I never get past closing my eyes. So it is me that gets back up and takes care of Noah. Most days I am up and dressed (and usually have a cup or 2 of coffee down) by 5am...530am at the latest. Many of those days, I have been up since 3am.

My other children take full advantage of mommy's stupor. Many a time they got a cookie for breakfast because mommy was to danged tired to fight. They play downstairs and yell and scream knowing full well that mommy is feeding or holding or rocking noah and is not going to come down the stairs.

Yea, sleep deprivation would be a much more highly effective way of getting the inmates to break. You try being all high and mighty and stubborn and well whatever else they are when you have no sleep for days....

Uh-huh...cant do it can ya? Didn't think so.

So for now, I will appreciate the wonderful gift I have been given in my newborn son, make an effort to limit the daily consumption of chocolate chip cookies at breakfast time and try not to hurt my husband to bad as he snores away, blissfully unaware that one more snore could put him that much closer to his demise....