Many of my readers know that I am a freelance writer. Well, I have had some amazing opportunites offered to me the last few weeks. All of which promise to really turn this into something huge. I am excited. But with the excitement also comes the stress. I am my own worst enemy. And my biggest critic. I find myself questioning my every move. Long after the house has settled down and gone to sleep for the night, I lie awake and wonder "Can I do this?" "Do I have what it takes". I have moments of self doubt, and have to refrain from just saying " I quit" I want this. I need this. But, at times, I wonder if I deserve this.
Recently our van died. (Actually, had it died 2 seconds later it would have been on the train tracks and you and I would not be having this conversation.) So, that leaves us with one vehicle. Which normally would not be an issue. Except Steve is working out of town. And he has the car. And I am stuck here in the house. With the kids. All day. Everyday.
I need a break. Just a moment to breathe (and maybe use the *ahem* facilities in peace) I need a moment to realize that I am worth more than what I hold myself too. Just a moment. With no diapers. No bottles. No "MOMMM"s. No crying. Just a moment with myself. To recharge.
I love my life. Really I do. In the mornings, I have a 2 second commute from the bed room to my "office" I can take extended lunch breaks and have meeting in my pajamas. My husband has worked hard to give me this life.
I just need a break.