I am back

It's been what, nearly a year, since I blogged here. To be totally honest, I got burnt out with the whole mommy blog thing. Not to mention that there was a lot going on in my personal life and I had to put the blog on the back burner.

So, I stopped blogging. But lately, the itch to blog here returned. Each day it got stronger then the day before. I haven't done much, if any writing, lately. And I really want to get back to it.

So, I am back. I have a ton of awesome things to share with everyone here and can't wait to share them!!

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We've Moved

Hi All, Crayons In My Dryer has moved to their own URL at http://www.crayonsinmydryer.com/

See Ya there!!

Some Tidbits

It's Tuesday, which means I get to be random. Ah, who am I kidding, I am random every day!

I used to designate Tuesdays as "This and That" Tuesdays on my blog. Then life kinda got in the way and it fell to the wayside. But, I am back in all my random glory.

The Kids:Is it spring yet? We have the worst case of cabin fever around these parts. We get out when we can, but the bitter cold is brutal to say the least. They are climbing the walls. I am climbing the walls and the dog is chewing everything up. Aidan starts kindergarten in August. I am sad. Because then next year Morgan follows, then 2 years after that Noah follows. Then I will actually have the house all to myself. But, I am still sad. They are growing up too damn fast.

Life:Life is moving at record pace it seems. Things are always changing. Which I guess could be a good thing. But, as I said yesterday, I don't like change. But, unless I want to get left behind, I probably should adapt. I have been updating my blog, Bye, Bye Fat Girl. If you haven't checked it out you should. If you feel so inclined, please follow and share with anyone that you know that may be struggling with their weight and eating.

There are some things coming up that I am pretty excited about. One being the completion of my manuscript. After my rejection letter I decided to completely re-write the whole thing. It is totally different then the original version. (And better too!) I am committed to seeing this thing published this year. There is also my non fiction book that I need to get going on.

I am still plugging away working from home. I am slowly learning to balance my time a little better. I have my to-do list written out, accountability boards,things like that. It's nice to stay orgainized. I am learning that being your own boss, while fullfilling, is hard as all hell.

Well, that is it for now. I am off to play World Of Warcraft  get some work done (I will not play WoW, I will not play WoW) and settle in to watch another episode of The Biggest Loser

Have a Great Night!!

I don't like change

When it comes to changes, I am as stubborn as a mule. I don't like it. I know, I know, change is an inevitable part of life. But, it doesn't mean I have to like it.

Steve is changing jobs. Well, sorta. He's taking a position at Sam's Club, about 30 minutes or so away. This change is good on many different levels. There is a pay increase. He has more of an opportunity to advance within the company (at the Wal-mart he is at now, he hasn't been given a chance to advance beyond where he is now). But, there are some things that I don't like all that much.

We only have one car right now. So,until that changes, (who knows when that will happen) I will be stuck here at home. And while it isn't too different then the way things are now, Steve is that much further away, so driving him to or from work so I can use the car isn't feasible. And while he isn't working 12 hour days, he is now down to only 2 days off a week and his hours still don't leave much flexibility for me.I don't do much. But, I still like to have somewhat of a life.

Then there is this whole meeting he has to go to for 3 days in March. Out of state.

I don't like change. Even if it is good change. I know that this change has to happen. Steve deserves it. Our family deserves it.

But it doesn't mean i have to like it.,

Wordless Wednesday

A Grandfather's Love

My grandpa passed away a little over  6 years ago now. And, I miss him dearly. I think that is why I am so thrilled that my dad is an active part of my kid's lives. My dad is the kind of grandpa that my grandfather (his dad) was. He is strong and kind. He loves with his whole heart. Unfortunately, my dad is not one to be photographed often so, I haven't gotten a chance to have pictures with the kids...until this Christmas.

Papa and the kids

I absoultely LOVE this picture. I am going to get it printed out and framed. Noah has been timid around my dad for some time, so I was happy when I snapped this next picture.

Noah loving his Papa



Noah finally decided that he loved his papa and was glued to him for most of the time we were there at Christmas.

New Year, New Starts

I wasn't sad to see 2010 fade into the night. I am glad. Sure, there were many, many good memories in 2010. But, I needed a fresh start. I needed to be able to wipe the slate clean and say "onwards and upwards". I am standing at the beginning of a new year, and it can be as great (or as bad) as I make it.

In order to make the most of this year I have written down my goals for the year. And now, for added accountability, I am sharing them here.

1.)Blog daily. I  have three blogs that I currently maintain, this one, Bye Bye Fat Girl, and Melissa Austin.com I am going to update them daily

2.)I currently have two manuscripts that I am working on. Both of them will be completed and in front of publishers this year

3.) Reach my weight goal of 160 pounds

4.)Run a marathon

5.)Go back to school

6.)Grow my Beachbody Buisness

7.)Get certified to teach Turbo Kick and Hip Hop Hustle

8.)Expand my writing buisness

2011 is a blank canvas ready for me to make my own. How will you make 2011 yours?

I'm Letting Go

2010 is in it's final hours. It is hard to believe that another year has come, left it's mark, and then left. Time flies.

I have my goals for 2011 written down. I am finishing up my editorial calendar for the year as well. I am getting my ducks in a row so I can take 2011 by storm.

And I am letting go

For the better part of 2010, I harbored a lot of anger, hurt, and sadness in my heart. It affected every aspect of my life. From personal relationships to professional endevours, the grief that I felt swallowed me whole. It consumed me. I let it define me.

So, for 2011, I am letting go. I cannot change what happened. If I could, I would. The only thing I can do is accept that it happened and move forward. I want to forgive those who hurt me and I want to forget the circumstances surrounding it. I want to move forward with my life and be the best that I can be for my children. For me.

I can't be angry anymore. I can't be hurt. I don't want to keep missing out on life because I am so angry at people that hurt me. I just can't live that way anymore.

So, as 2010 comes to a close, I take the lessons I learned and the memories I made. The rest? It's in the past. And starting now, that is where I will leave it.

And just because I am letting go, doesn't mean that I am giving up. It just means that I am accepting the things that happened. I can't change that. But, I am the only one who is in control of my future. And if I don't let go, I will never get to where I want to be.

Happy New Year~

Lookin Back at 2010

I am a firm believer that looking back is not normally something that you should do. Why would you want to look at what was when you could be looking at what is? But, 2010 has taught me some hard lessons and what better way to send out a year that treated my crappy then to look back at what I learned in 2010.

So, without further ado: Things 2010 Taught Me

*Things happen for me. Whether I like it or not, everything happened for a specific reason. Some of those reasons are still unknown.

*Sometimes, letting go is the only way to move forward

*I really miss the friendships I lost

*I am stronger than I give myself credit for.

*I am inspirational

*Life isn't about getting a good hand dealt to you. It is about making the most of the cards you have been given.

*I need to laugh more, cry less

*Truth and love will win everytime

*I am determined

*I am loved

*I am worthy

*I have the ability to make something of myself. I have the tools. It is now up to me if I am going to use them.

Goodbye 2010, while we haven't always seen eye to eye, you have proven to be tremendous teacher. And while I am not to sad to see you go, I take with me the memories, the lessons, the laughter,and the tears. I will make 2011 count.

2011 is going to be my year.

The Night Before Christmas (An ode to stressed moms everywhere)

T'was the night before Christmas
And all through the house
A stressed mother ran
Whilst washing a blouse.

The stockings still hung empty
The gifts all unwrapped
The only thing mom wanted
Was a long winter's nap

When out in the front room
There arose such a clatter
Mom ran from her room
To see what was the matter

And what to her tired eyes did appear
But one boy and one girl
And one peanut butter smear

What are you doing out of bed
The tired mom said
The little boy rubbed his eyes
Can't sleep he said

We are waiting for Santa
You said he was near
It is Christmas time yet
Is that sleighbells I hear.

Now, Aidan, Now Morgan
And sweet Noah too
Head back to bed,
There's lot left to do

Mom watched with tired eyes
As they walked out of the room
She winced as Aidan slammed
The door with a boom

She muttered to herself
As she walked out of sight
These darn gifts
Can wrap themselves tonight.

Merry Christmas!!

Chocolate Peppermint Bark

I love this time of year. Especially the baking part. I always make cookies, fudge, candies, just about anything. This year, I decided to make White Chocolate Peppermint Bark. It turned out so yummy. The kids ate it up.

Start with one bag of Wiltons White Chocolate Melts and melt according to package directions

Smash up four candy canes

Add the smashed candy canes to the chocolate

Mix

Spread in a small cookie pan and let harden about an hour or two. Once it's hard break it up and eat!
(Here's the best part: A small piece of bark only has about 30-40 calories in it Enjoy!)

New Years Resolutions. Do you make them?

via Google Images

I am not one to typically wish away the year. But, I think, in a way, I am ready for 2010 to leave.

Many memories where made in 2010. Some good. Some bad. And I don't want to wish away any of the experiences. Good or bad. I don't believe that things happen to me. I believe that they happen for me. Sometimes I wish I knew why they happened, but I have learned that it is not my place to question the why.

2010 saw my family moved. Twice. Two different houses in a 6 month time span. But, after living in this house for a few months, I am certain that I have found our permanent home.

2010 signaled the end of a friendship. That loss devastated me. In fact, it shook me to my core and threw me off balance. It has taken months for me to get to the point where I can honestly say I am okay with it now. She has gone on to do wonderful things and it makes me smile because I know that I had a part, no matter how small, in them.

2010 also shook up our family. But, for now, everyone seems to be content with the way things are. I am not. But, again, I am in a place where I can say that I am okay.

2010 also saw the arrival of my nephew. I adore that kid. I look forward to seeing him over Christmas.

2010 was a year for me to grow as a person. As a mother. As a friend. I learned that I am strong enough to handle whatever life throws at me. I have lost a significant amount of weight and there are many new opportunities on the horizion.

Which leads me to my question. Do you make New Years Resolutions? And if you do, do you keep them?

I have been so bad about making and keeping them in the past. But, this year will be different. I have an amazing network of friends, and a personal trainer who rocks, to keep me accountable on all levels.

So, what are your New Years Resolutions? And will you actually keep them?

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Here in the midwest, it is snowing. Again. And it is bitter cold and will only be getting colder. I have lived in Illinois all of my life, you would think that I would be used to the cold. But, I dislike it. A lot.

Of course, getting ready for the holidays is taking up a lot of my time. This weekend we will be either heading to Chicago with some friends to take in the sights of Michigan Avenue or, if the weather doesn't agree, we will be baking cookies all day. Just enjoying being together. All of us. Damien will be with us this weekend. Then the next time I pick him up, he will be here for 10 days. I am pretty excited to have him here again.

Of course with all the snow, Aidan and Morgan have been asking non-stop when Santa is coming. I have yet to convince them that there is still 2 weeks to go before the big day.

Speaking of Christmas, I have been so busy with work, writing, and other things, I  have yet to finish my shopping. I have a feeling this is going to be a Dec 23rd kinda year.

I miss my best friend

(This post is part of Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop.Link up here )

Every single one of Mama Kat's prompts called my name this week, but this one spoke the loudest: Have you ever had a fight with a long time best friend and never made up? Do you think about her from time to time and think about contacting her? What would you say? What if it didn’t work out? What if it did?"

When I first met E, I was instantly drawn to her. She is so vibrant, so full of life. She was always the first one to remind me that I had worth and was important. Frustrated with things on the career end of my life, I contacted her. As a fellow (and sucessful) writer, I had hoped she would have some words of guidence. What followed was a friendship that I thought was unbreakable.

We talked daily. For hours. We emailed. We texted. We worked together. We would laugh and cry together. When things went down with my ex regarding custody of my son, she cried right along with me. She also held me up when I didn't think I could take another step. We were there for eachother.

Our friendship dissolved amidst trying times for both of us. I was fighting to keep my son, she was fighting to keep her grandma alive. Our friendship ended because a text was sent at the wrong time.

I have thought, numerous times, about contacting her. There are so many things that I want to say to her. I want to tell her that I miss her. That she was such a huge part of my life and I wish what had happened between us, never happened. But, I don't think I could ever go back to the way things were with us. While I accepted the end of our friendship and apologized for my part in the end of it, she called me nasty and hurtful names. She ripped me apart. It is a wound that still stings today.

I miss E very much. She was such a strong and motivational person. She is who encouraged me to be what and who I am today...and for that I thank her.

As the saying goes "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." When I think of my time with E, I always smile....

As E always said "From rain comes flowers...everytime" I hope she is enjoying her flowers.

Take the stress out of shopping for tech gifts this holiday season

I am a gamer and lover of all things tech. I spend more time then I should drooling over the ads featuring the newest gaming equipment, iPads, or anything else under the sun. Unfortunately, that makes me hard to shop for. Because I am so in to technology and all the latest gadgets, I tend to be a bit picky if you will, when it comes to my gifts.

Shopping for the Tech lover on your list doesn't have to send you running for the nearest exit. With a few easy steps, you can easily shop for every tech lover on your list.

Compare Ads: Check your local sales ads before going into the store. A lot of tech gifts have different specs. There are 2 different Xbox 360s and multiple bundles. Write down what it is you are looking for.

Check price match policy: Call the stores you want to shop at and find out what their price match policy is. Wal-mart will match prices. Sears matches prices and then gives an additional 10%. Take a few extra minutes to see which stores offer the best prices.

Check the online vs in store price policy: Some items are cheaper online then they are in stores. Will the store match the online price? Wal-mart offers free site to store shipping. Order it at the online price and pick it up in store. Make sure you are clear on the policies before you go shopping. 

Ebay is not always the way to go: It used to be that Ebay was your one stop shop for anything you could want. When it comes to tech gifts, however, they are usually way overpriced. Stay away from Ebay and opt for a retail store.

When in doubt, buy a gift card:  Not sure which iPod to buy? Grab a gift card for the purchase amount and let your recipent chose which gadget they want. It will save you time and a headache. :)

(I wrote this blog post while participating in the TwitterMoms and Staples blogging program, making me eligible for a $50 gift card. For more information on how you can participate, click here)

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Need to make changes



Via Google Images



It isn't a secret around these parts that I have been feeling pretty frustrated with life lately. It has lead to Steve and I having some intense arguments discussions about my life, what changes I want to make, what changes he wants me to make, and what I need to change to find my "happy" again.In all honesty, I do need to make some changes. I know I do. I just don't like being told what to do. (I have a wicked stubborn streak).

The problem is I don't know how to make the changes. Or even where to start. I know that I am not happy. It isn't one particular thing either, it is a whole slew of things that really have me ready to throw up my hands and walk away. When I get to feeling like this it is a signal that I need to take stock of what I am doing with my life and what things I can change to make things better for me. I accept that there are somethings that are the way they are. And I can't change them. But, I can change how I let them affect me.

At this point, I know that I need to make some changes. I am working on those changes. Both inwardly and outwardly. :)

What Are You Thankful For?

Thanksgiving is tomorrow. My turkey is thawing in the fridge, pies are waiting to be baked, I am looking forward to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Steve has to work 3rd shift that day, so not looking forward to that, but atleast we will get most of the day together as a family  before he has to leave.

I am quick to wish away 2010. Then I realize that it was a good year as well as a trying year.  So, because I would rather focus on the the good...I have decided to post what it is I am Thankful for this Thanksgiving.

1.) My kids. They keep me motivated and grounded. I love them more than anything in the world.
2.) My family. From my in-laws to my family. There have been a few times during the year that we needed them and they were there for us. They love our kids just as much as we do.
3.)Luke. He is my personal trainer. I am thankful for his guidence and support and willingness to work with me even when I am being as stubborn as a mule.
4.)My friends. I have an amazing group of friends. I have made some friends this year that I know will last a life time
5.) I am thankful for the ability to learn and grow. I am thankful that each day is a new start and I am in control of my life.

Have a happy Thanksgiving.

Goals and Such

It is hard to believe that in just a few short days, it will be Thanksgiving, and then a few short weeks after that Christmas and then the New Year. 2010 feels like it went by at a breakneck speed. 2010 hasn't been the best of years towards me, but it also hasn't been the worst. It was a year that has tested my very inner strength. It is also one that opened my eyes to a weight problem and eating disorder. (You can read about that here) I grew a lot as a person this year (emotionally and spiritually).

Going into 2011, I am already setting my intentions for the year. These are things that will happen. No question of "if." I am taking all other options off the table. One of the things that I have learned is to name your goals as if they already happpened. Don't leave room for the "what ifs" Just say and then own it.

So, I am sharing my goals with you for the 2011 year!

• Weigh 160 pounds (or less). After spending the last 4 years over 200 pounds, I am leaving the 200's behind forever
• Run the Chicago Marathon. October 2011 will find me pounding the pavement in the city of Chicago
• Become certified to teach Turbo Fire and Hip Hop Hustle
• Become a Certified Personal Trainer (signing up for the classes in Jan.) and start working towards becoming a Nutritionist
• Publish my novel
• Publish my non-fiction book
• Start on my children's book series

These are things that are all non-negotiable for the 2011 year. There are a few other things as well that are on that list. These are things that will happen.

2011 will be MY year!

Dealing with death

This morning a furry member of our family gained their wings and flew to Doggy Heaven. Bella wasn't even a year old. We had got her in March at 8 weeks old. She was a pure-bred, blue eyed Siberian Huskie and a welcomed addition to our family. Today, she passed away.

She had been sick for a while, not really gaining weight. But, she never suffered. We tried everything thing we could for her, but nothing worked. Nothing was ever found to be wrong with her. She was a huge ball of energy. Just the other day I was playing with her. Yesterday, she was quieter than normal, I guess that should have been my sign that she was going. Today, I walked into the garage and called her name. And she didn't come running like she normally did. She had passed away. I had to explain to the kids what happened to Bella. At 3 and 4, they didn't understand. They watched at daddy dug a hole and we buried Bella in our backyard. They said goodbye to her. Aidan seemed a little sad, but I don't think he quite got it.

Me? I wish I didn't understand it. Because I am heart broken. She was my dog. I picked her out, I named her. She was mine. I know that, to some, she is just a dog. But, she was a member of our family. And it hurts.