I don't know...

I have sat down many times over the course of the last two days and tried to write a blog post. But the blank screen just mocked me. And when I did manage to write a few words, they seemed forced, fake. And that is the last thing I wanted. I have always felt that a blog, well my blog anyways, should be full of words that were not forced, thoughts that flowed unrestricted...and lately, I just haven't been able to do that.

And it isn't just my blog either. It is in every aspect of my life. Everything has come to a standstill. And I hate it. I think that is what makes it even worse. Is I feel it, but am at a loss to actually fix it.

It is not that I am unmotivated. I just don't know what to do. I am struggling internally right now. Its a battle that I have to fight with myself I suppose.

I joined a local "moms" group. I am going to their first meeting next Tuesday. I am already trying to find ways to get out of it. It is not that I don't want to go, because I do. I am so incredibly isolated here. It is that I don't make friends easily. I have this inherent fear of being judged. I never feel like I am good enough.

I am working on making changes...they need to be made,especially for my children's sakes. I am trying to get more organized. Trying to become "unstuck".

I can do this.